If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, I gain nothing. I Corinthians 13:1-3 [NIV]

Recently I studied this chapter in Greek and picked apart some of the words used later in the chapter which describe exactly what love is.  I did this to be honest because I realised that I wasn’t particularly good at being loving, or not entirely sure what real love was.  What came out of that was surprising as I came face to face with a way of dealing with others that put them first and treated them with deep gentleness, care and respect.

It made me realise that there was a loving and an unloving way to do or say anything and that it did matter which way I chose. 

When I look at my motivations for doing the things I do (if I am honest) some of them are selfish, some more altruistic and some mixed.  It is confusing that sometimes actions that we feel are loving sometimes are not, like the partner who stays with the active alcoholic and therefore stops them from coming to the point where they will get help.

For most of life’s decisions though, common sense tells us that one path is more loving than another.  Do we reach out to the neighbour in a crisis? Do we choose the slightly more expensive product that is fairly traded? Do we stop and think before saying something which might be hurtful?

What I realised is that it was always going to be difficult for me to know what was and wasn’t loving unless I was willing to turn to the one who was Love for advice. 

As Jesus says in John 15 ‘As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.’ Jesus is the expert on love.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Theresa